my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
