You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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