now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
