i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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