So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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