You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
