The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
