Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
