There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
