just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize