people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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