Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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