Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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