Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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