think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
