You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
