I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
They took my balls.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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