i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
