Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
