I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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