I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
pray to the hookup gods
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
