i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
