Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
stop calling my apartment porn island.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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