Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
