Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
