oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
