Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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