You're completely useless in the revolution.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
