Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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