what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
