Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
