You're my little dorito
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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