is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
