I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
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