You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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