o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
