i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
