turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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