I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
