My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
As shirtless as possible
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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