so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
