I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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