Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
