Umm I'm too high to move.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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