I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
