She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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