You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
