they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
