she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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