So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
