is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize