Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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