so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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