So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
