Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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