I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
