After last night, I could never be a politician.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
