i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
