He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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