I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
