i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
