i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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