so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I fill condoms, not promises.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
