I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
