His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
