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• (917): View more from New York City

  new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms

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• (386): View more from Florida

  tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  those are such fre$h shoes

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.

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• (818): View more from California

  I just ran into the couch, vagina first.

  (1-818): View more from California

  I hope you got dinner out of it

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• (845): View more from New York

  The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.

  Fav 1 45 17

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