I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
