We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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