the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
