okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize