Don't EVER smell your tampon
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
