The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
