i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
