38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
