ugly people sure do ruin things
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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